Different Kids Are Motivated Differently
Usually, we think of motivation in one of two ways:
Do it right & you’ll get [reward]
Do it wrong & you’ll get [punishment]
This is a very simplistic model of motivation, but to be fair, most adults don’t study the psychology of motivation when preparing to become parents.
Let’s talk about two basic categories of motivation: Extrinsic & Intrinsic.
Extrinsic motivators, such as giving a reward or punishment, are useful in the short term. Long term, they tend to create the drive to seek the physical reward rather than fostering the behaviors we were trying to teach.
Do you want your child to clean their room because having a tidy room leads to more positive mental health, or are we teaching them that if they clean when asked, they get ice cream?
Do we want our children to have good manners because it helps them build strong social bonds, or because they fear getting spanked or their electronics taken away?
Both of these concepts work in the short term, but in the long run, they do not convey the lessons & behaviors we’d like our kids to learn in a way they can apply in other situations.
At Full Circle Dojang, we use extrinsic motivators such as belts & skill stripes to engage the children in the learning experience.
It is equally vital for us to use those tangible goods to foster discussion about more intrinsic motivations.
If a child can earn a stripe because they met an objective goal, they may be encouraged to try a bit harder. However, if they also receive labeled praise about what the stripe means, they can begin to apply the more intrinsic ideas to their self-image.
Example: “You’ve earned your yellow stripe. This shows me that you have learned the first part of your new form with skill and are ready to progress and learn the next part!” This can be further reinforced through mentorship when we revisit the lesson after a child has already earned a stripe (stripes, to us, indicate only baseline proficiency.)
We might say something like, “I know you already have a good handle on part one of the form because you have earned your Yellow stripe. What’s one way we can make it even better?”
Tying the motivation to their performance & their self-image rather than the stripe, we have started the journey toward learning.
I want to share an example about my oldest son, George. He quit taekwondo not only because we had moved, but because he had been having trouble with his foot. Honestly, we also had to motivate him to go to class. It was frustrating for us all. After being away from class for a while he realized all he missed out on. He saw his friends from class advancing, and it made him sad that he was never going to obtain his black belt.
Last month he rejoined, and said that he would do whatever he had to in order to obtain his Black Belt! He now attends classes 4 times a week, and guess what, I NEVER have to tell him when class is! He gets dressed and is ready to go 15 minutes before class. Aside from that he will go practice on his own! Talk about motivation! I’m honestly in awe! I do attribute this change to growth and maturity, but also to a goal that he is passionate about. This new found motivation came from within!
At Full Circle we really teach the kids more than Martial Arts. We teach life skills, discipline, self respect, respect for others, and so much more. Motivating your child is a VERY deep subject, of course, and this just touches on some of the surface ideas.
Are you having challenges motivating your child effectively? Let us know how we can help!
